Back in the 80s, when Wagon Wheels were the
size of wheels on wagons, we emerged, blinking; bewildered, into a
multi-channel world. Well, four, but trust me; it was a big deal.
With this 4th channel came an amazing
new sport: like Rugby League, but with helmets, and less northern nightclub
bouncer lookalikes. Their Redskins, Dolphins, and 49ers, made our Towns, Rovers
and Stanleys seem ancient. They had cheerleaders and razzmatazz.
For that first season, the weekly
highlights show was compulsive viewing. Then at the end of the season, the
Super Bowl (or cup final to us) arrived. Rather than edited highlights, this
was aired live and exclusive at some ungodly hour, and quickly my excitement disappeared.
A game comprising of four 15-minute
quarters actually lasted for as long as four hours. It was bitty and
fragmented, and I’m afraid that was where my love affair with American Football
ended.
The game’s stop-start nature might have put
me off, but weirdly, for a country that is said to have the attention span of a
goldfish with A.D.D, it doesn’t seem to bother over 100 million Americans who sit
through this meandering bore-fest every single year. A truly huge (in more than
one way) audience, which American advertisers pay up to $4 million just to get a
commercial in front of.
We don’t really have the equivalent over
here. Sure, there are upsurges in bigger budget ads around Christmas, but a
company gets a couple of months usage out of those. Admittedly, there will be
‘big’ ads during Champions League and World Cup Finals, yet this audience is
split across many countries and many channels so isn’t quite the same.
But imagine if we had something like the
Super Bowl here? Imagine one event where we knew millions would be watching at
the same time. Imagine being able to pool all of our money and talent into
making ad breaks as exciting and inventive as the thing they were appearing in?
It would be like the old days – when if you
missed The Young Ones or the big Christmas movie then you may as well forget
the idea of being included in playground conversations that week. But what kind
of event would we need?
I can imagine Waterboarding Michael Gove
pulling in a big audience. Dancing On Meths, also. And, if the X Factor was
condensed down from its current flabby, over-long format to a 3-hour spectacular,
with live ammunition and trapdoors, then that might also be a goer.
However, sadly the days of a nation sitting
down as one, to watch one specific show are long gone. Truly multi-channel TV
has helped to split audiences. And with Sky+ and Tivo viewers are now finally
freed from the constraints of television schedules.
Which is great for them, but not such great
news for us. We don’t have the same annual open goal as our American friends,
and our audiences seem to get smaller, year on year.
A bit like Wagon Wheels.
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